What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
