she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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