I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
