i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
