Pappa wants mamma naked
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
