we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
