He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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