I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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