My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Randomize
