I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
