When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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