The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize