I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
