woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm bleeding and have questions
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
