you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my poor anus
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize