Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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