Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
