between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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