on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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