i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
