"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
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