Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
