Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
