I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
