you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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