btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
