Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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