...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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