im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
