If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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