someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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