I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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