Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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