Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
