She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I need to align my fucking chakras
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
