Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
