My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
