i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
