Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
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