You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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