I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
