Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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