K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
