How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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