Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
