Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
