It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
