I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
