She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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