This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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