Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
