clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
