hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
