Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
