Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
