dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
