I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
