i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
