i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
