got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
