I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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