Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
