Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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